How does one process the loss of a loved one? How do you move forward in what is now a hollow space? What healing modalities and resources are available to aid with grief?
The first day of the New Year has always been spent giving thanks to God, attending festivities with family, and so much more. In 2019, I spent the first day witnessing my father’s health declining and later hearing the words “we’re sorry to inform you, but we were unable to revitalize your loved one.” My father was the patriarch of our family, my best friend, and an influencer. He was healthy and vibrant prior to the unexpected illness that claimed his life. I never imagined living life without him in the physical. I often informed him of my low to no survival rate if he expired during our random conversations.
Prior to my father’s illness, he was assisting with my son, while I was away on a military mission. I was informed of his rapidly failing health. While I remained prayerful and optimistic, my intuition brought forth the reality. I received a Red Cross message and immediately booked a flight to be with my family. I knew my father would pull through if he felt my presence and heard my voice.
I arrived and was in complete disbelief of the man I knew laying in a hospital bed fighting for his life. I envisioned complete healing and the return of a healthy, vibrant father. God had other plans for his life. He expired and left a huge void in our family. I was strong until I became weak. I spent 25 days at home and each day reminded me more and more of my new norm.
I spoke with my father countless times throughout the day. No longer did I have someone to share laughs, send selfies, or have heart-to-heart conversations. I returned to my mission broken, confused, and helpless. I often recited “God will never put more on me than I can bear.” I was reared to never question or doubt God, yet I found myself being angry and wondering “why God?” I was strong in public and weary in private.
In 2018, I became a Reiki practitioner. I firmly believe it was God’s preparation. What is Reiki?
I enrolled in counseling sessions, meditated, and performed self-Reiki. I disconnected from many distractions to ignite my healing journey.
Where would I be today without prayer and Reiki? I received helpful healing techniques from the counseling sessions. Often my counselor would inform me to embrace the “waves of grief.” I became anchored, found within myself to forgive, and often cleansed to rebuke the demonic suicidal thoughts.
I became selfish until one day a gentle reminder crept over me regarding my son. I never want him to experience the loss of a parent, especially at his tender age. I was reminded of his fight when all odds were stacked against him, yet he braved the storm. Core healing, prayer, forgiveness, my son, the unwavering love and strength from my father, and my support system is how I weathered the storm during my mission. Days when the “waves of grief” overpowered my body and mind, I prayed the hardest.
I am often asked “why the loss of my father has taken such a toll on my life” if I am a Reiki practitioner?
Here’s the answer: I am human. The man I loss was my father, my everything. I am entitled to grieve. I am entitled to uncensored emotions. I am healing alongside others while serving as a vessel.
The strong Christian foundation, my gift from God to self-heal, and prayer have significantly helped during the “waves of grief.”